A VIEW FROM THE TERRACE
Hillingdon Borough v Aylesbury FC.
When I got up this morning it was a lovely day again, the weather had turned and the sun was shining. The snow and bad weather seemed long forgotten.
I got up early working around the house so her indoors wouldn’t give me grief about going to football. Although I knew I would still cop it somehow.
At 9 oc the phone rang and the day turned to shit. It was silly Bob’s wife, Silly Bob was in the local nick and could I go and get him out and could I take a pair of trousers and a shirt for him. Why it always came down to me to get him out of trouble was beyond me. He always got me in it as well.
He had been in there since last night and she told me what had roughly happened and I shot down the Bobby shop to get him.
When we were seated in the car outside the slammer I got the full story.
It seemed that at the end of last year silly Bob had gone on a stag night to Prague for the weekend.
On the flight home dickhead Bob pissed as a pudding decided to nick the life raft from a locker.
He was successful in getting it out of the plane and all the way home without getting caught. With the security at the airports now, I was surprised they hadn’t caught him he probably would have been shot.
As the weather had been so bad ever since he had been home from Prague and what with it now changing and the kids on holiday, he decided to put it in the garden for them and fill it with warm water.
Bob activated the inflator on the raft, filled it with water and the kids were having a lovely time splashing around. Silly Bob was a hero and the whole family were sitting in the garden enjoying the sunshine and playing.
The only annoying part was a police helicopter that kept hovering over the house making a din. Must be some bad people around thought Bob.
Just then all these bad people came crashing through the front door wearing police and coast guard uniforms. Silly Bob was dragged away with only his swimming trunks on.
It turned out that it was a coast guard helicopter hovering above that had been scrambled.
When silly Bob inflated the raft, it activated the emergency homing locator. The chopper had been homing in on it all the way from Dover.
It must have been quiet a sight seeing all these blokes smashing down the front door with life jackets on.
We went off to the pub for a beer we both needed one. Silly Bobs is in court next week.
Arthur an old boy well into his nineties and as deaf as a post was sitting at the bar nursing an empty glass.
“Want a drink Arthur,” I shouted.
“No son, I can only have a half a shandy as it plays havoc with me hearing”
“Oh ok”
It was funny that his hearing was ok when you asked him if he wanted a drink.
“Ok I’ll have a double”
“A double? ”
“ Yeah it’s my birthday.”
“You had your birthday a few months ago”
“Its my half birthday”
“Oh ok, happy birthday Arthur” I’d been done again.
“I’m off to Hillingdon today, they are playing Aylesbury.”
No sooner were the words out of my mouth and I knew it was a big mistake.
“They got it in the war”
Bloody hell here we go again.
“Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape.
Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where supplies were, but also showing the locations of safe houses where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.
Paper maps had some real drawbacks, they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush.
Someone in MI-5 got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time there was only one manufacturer that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, they had a place near Hillingdon.
By pure coincidence, Waddington also made Monopoly. Games and pastimes was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages' dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
They also had a playing token, containing a small magnetic compass, a two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together and amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency hidden within the piles of Monopoly money.
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set, by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third was aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.”
”Bloody hell Arthur how come we haven’t heard about this.”
”The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honoured in a public ceremony.
”Wow that was interesting Arthur but I have to go” I shot out of the pub it was getting late. I had to admit that for once Arthur had been interesting.
I got to the ground just in time for kick off. It was a nice ground; you could see that Hillingdon had been in higher football at one time.
Everyone seemed to be standing on the balcony outside the clubhouse in the sun. Ian the secretary even had his misses there. The giant director of football was in deep conversation with the chairman, who was dressed for the Artic with his big coat on.
The teams came out, Aylesbury in there famous red and black and Hillingdon in some other colour. I had had another two pints by now.
The game started and Aylesbury were way on top from the start. It was a good few minutes until Bufton in the Aylesbury goal touch the ball. Apparently Smithy the regular goalkeeper was off on a school trip looking after seventy sixteen-year-old girls. Poor sod.
It took fifteen minutes for the first goal and a good cross from Henney found Graham to slot home.
Six minutes later Hillingdon against the run of play equalised from a corner. There were screams for handball, none louder than from the manager Mark 60 yards away, who I thought was going into apoplexy. I looked round at the chairman and knew why he had that big coat on. He had a shotgun under it. I wonder who for?
After their goal Hillingdon came out of their shells and began to play and attack a lot more. This got a Hillingdon fan all excited and he kept blowing his hooter and I think he had a tea cosy on his head, but Aylesbury were still the far superior team.
Fifteen minutes later the lead was restored when a pass from Graham returning the complement found Henney, who finished beautifully by chipping the keeper.
The game continued with Aylesbury on top until half time but with no more goals.
Drinks on the balcony at half time. This was the life, the only way to watch football, having a drink in the sunshine when your team are winning.
The second half started much to soon as I had only consumed two pints.
Aylesbury were straight on the attack and we thought that when the next goal came Hillingdon would collapse.
The goal came in the 52nd minute with a strike from Graham, we could relax now.
Aylesbury were dominating now and 13 minutes later a pass found Henney wide on the left. He cut in just inside the area and fired home a fantastic shot that beat the keeper all hands up. 4-1
Aylesbury were sometimes playing a dangerous game in playing offside and on one occasion it backfired and it took a very good save from Bufton to keep the ball out.
The fifth goal came from Schmidt in the 71st minute and I moved back up to the balcony, it was party time in the sunshine and the game was becoming a route.
The 6th was added by the young substitute Abraham, nice to get a goal in his first game.
It finished 6 – 1 game set and match, well not quiet. Having more drinks on the balcony we heard that Chalfont had only managed to draw. This meant we were back in the championship race and even Danny was smiling.
Oh well, time for another drink and then home.
Hillingdon Borough v Aylesbury FC.
When I got up this morning it was a lovely day again, the weather had turned and the sun was shining. The snow and bad weather seemed long forgotten.
I got up early working around the house so her indoors wouldn’t give me grief about going to football. Although I knew I would still cop it somehow.
At 9 oc the phone rang and the day turned to shit. It was silly Bob’s wife, Silly Bob was in the local nick and could I go and get him out and could I take a pair of trousers and a shirt for him. Why it always came down to me to get him out of trouble was beyond me. He always got me in it as well.
He had been in there since last night and she told me what had roughly happened and I shot down the Bobby shop to get him.
When we were seated in the car outside the slammer I got the full story.
It seemed that at the end of last year silly Bob had gone on a stag night to Prague for the weekend.
On the flight home dickhead Bob pissed as a pudding decided to nick the life raft from a locker.
He was successful in getting it out of the plane and all the way home without getting caught. With the security at the airports now, I was surprised they hadn’t caught him he probably would have been shot.
As the weather had been so bad ever since he had been home from Prague and what with it now changing and the kids on holiday, he decided to put it in the garden for them and fill it with warm water.
Bob activated the inflator on the raft, filled it with water and the kids were having a lovely time splashing around. Silly Bob was a hero and the whole family were sitting in the garden enjoying the sunshine and playing.
The only annoying part was a police helicopter that kept hovering over the house making a din. Must be some bad people around thought Bob.
Just then all these bad people came crashing through the front door wearing police and coast guard uniforms. Silly Bob was dragged away with only his swimming trunks on.
It turned out that it was a coast guard helicopter hovering above that had been scrambled.
When silly Bob inflated the raft, it activated the emergency homing locator. The chopper had been homing in on it all the way from Dover.
It must have been quiet a sight seeing all these blokes smashing down the front door with life jackets on.
We went off to the pub for a beer we both needed one. Silly Bobs is in court next week.
Arthur an old boy well into his nineties and as deaf as a post was sitting at the bar nursing an empty glass.
“Want a drink Arthur,” I shouted.
“No son, I can only have a half a shandy as it plays havoc with me hearing”
“Oh ok”
It was funny that his hearing was ok when you asked him if he wanted a drink.
“Ok I’ll have a double”
“A double? ”
“ Yeah it’s my birthday.”
“You had your birthday a few months ago”
“Its my half birthday”
“Oh ok, happy birthday Arthur” I’d been done again.
“I’m off to Hillingdon today, they are playing Aylesbury.”
No sooner were the words out of my mouth and I knew it was a big mistake.
“They got it in the war”
Bloody hell here we go again.
“Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape.
Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where supplies were, but also showing the locations of safe houses where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.
Paper maps had some real drawbacks, they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush.
Someone in MI-5 got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time there was only one manufacturer that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, they had a place near Hillingdon.
By pure coincidence, Waddington also made Monopoly. Games and pastimes was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages' dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
They also had a playing token, containing a small magnetic compass, a two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together and amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency hidden within the piles of Monopoly money.
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set, by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third was aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.”
”Bloody hell Arthur how come we haven’t heard about this.”
”The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honoured in a public ceremony.
”Wow that was interesting Arthur but I have to go” I shot out of the pub it was getting late. I had to admit that for once Arthur had been interesting.
I got to the ground just in time for kick off. It was a nice ground; you could see that Hillingdon had been in higher football at one time.
Everyone seemed to be standing on the balcony outside the clubhouse in the sun. Ian the secretary even had his misses there. The giant director of football was in deep conversation with the chairman, who was dressed for the Artic with his big coat on.
The teams came out, Aylesbury in there famous red and black and Hillingdon in some other colour. I had had another two pints by now.
The game started and Aylesbury were way on top from the start. It was a good few minutes until Bufton in the Aylesbury goal touch the ball. Apparently Smithy the regular goalkeeper was off on a school trip looking after seventy sixteen-year-old girls. Poor sod.
It took fifteen minutes for the first goal and a good cross from Henney found Graham to slot home.
Six minutes later Hillingdon against the run of play equalised from a corner. There were screams for handball, none louder than from the manager Mark 60 yards away, who I thought was going into apoplexy. I looked round at the chairman and knew why he had that big coat on. He had a shotgun under it. I wonder who for?
After their goal Hillingdon came out of their shells and began to play and attack a lot more. This got a Hillingdon fan all excited and he kept blowing his hooter and I think he had a tea cosy on his head, but Aylesbury were still the far superior team.
Fifteen minutes later the lead was restored when a pass from Graham returning the complement found Henney, who finished beautifully by chipping the keeper.
The game continued with Aylesbury on top until half time but with no more goals.
Drinks on the balcony at half time. This was the life, the only way to watch football, having a drink in the sunshine when your team are winning.
The second half started much to soon as I had only consumed two pints.
Aylesbury were straight on the attack and we thought that when the next goal came Hillingdon would collapse.
The goal came in the 52nd minute with a strike from Graham, we could relax now.
Aylesbury were dominating now and 13 minutes later a pass found Henney wide on the left. He cut in just inside the area and fired home a fantastic shot that beat the keeper all hands up. 4-1
Aylesbury were sometimes playing a dangerous game in playing offside and on one occasion it backfired and it took a very good save from Bufton to keep the ball out.
The fifth goal came from Schmidt in the 71st minute and I moved back up to the balcony, it was party time in the sunshine and the game was becoming a route.
The 6th was added by the young substitute Abraham, nice to get a goal in his first game.
It finished 6 – 1 game set and match, well not quiet. Having more drinks on the balcony we heard that Chalfont had only managed to draw. This meant we were back in the championship race and even Danny was smiling.
Oh well, time for another drink and then home.
