A VIEW FROM THE TERRACE
Oxhey Jets v Aylesbury FC.
Saturday was here at last; it was the FA Vase, another great cup competition.
I had spent the last few days thinking of ways to get to the match without the missus finding out.
She knew I had gone on Tuesday so today was a “no, no” in her book.
It wasn’t until late Friday afternoon that I came up with a cunning plan.
My mate Bob from work was going to ring at one oc and say he had broken down, could I be a mate and come and pick him up.
I had hidden my shirt for the match in the car and at one oc was pretending to be busy pruning a rose bush.
It got to quarter past one and he hadn’t rung, the rose bush was looking like a Bonzai tree.
Finally I heard the phone ring inside and waited with baited breath.
She didn’t come to get me, what was going on?
We had arranged that all he would say was, he had broken down and could he speak to me.
Five minutes later she came out; the rose bush was looking a sorry state.
“Bob’s on the phone he’s broken down.”
“Oh no” I said.
As I passed she added
“Strange he’s broken down in Watford”
What the hell had he said, why mention Watford and what had they been talking about for five minutes.
The Gestapo had trained my misses; God knows what she had got out of him.
“Hi Bob what’s the matter” I said
“She was asking all sorts of questions.” He said.
“Oh no, where is that mate” I said.
“She got me rattled I didn’t know what I was saying” He said
“You want me to pick you up then,” I said.
“She asked me round for dinner tonight and I said yes”
“Ok mate I’ll get there as soon as I can”
I looked round she was outside studying the new Bonsai tree.
“What the hell did you agree to that for you dick head; she will have YOU for bloody dinner. I’ll see you in the pub in ten minutes”
She came back in from the garden holding the secateurs. I wondered if they were for my private parts.
“Ok sweetheart I’m off to pick silly old Bob up, don’t know how long I’ll be, the breakdown truck has not arrived yet.”
She just looked at me with one of those loving woman looks; you know the one that makes you think you’re a lump of dog turd.
“Pick me up some more potatoes while you’re out, Bob’s coming for dinner”
“Oh that’s nice”
I arrived at the pub to see Bob talking to Arthur about Lancaster bombers; the day was turning into a nightmare.
“What the bloody hell happened?” I said to Bob.
“They couldn’t find their target,” said Arthur”
“Not you Arthur, Bob” I said
“He wasn’t there,” said Arthur
“No on the phone” I said.
“They had radios,” said Arthur.
It was lucky I didn’t have a gun.
“Come on we had better get going were late,” I said.
“I’m not coming with you,” said Bob.
“Where are we going,” said Arthur.
“You are bloody well coming with me, it will take all afternoon to get our story straight for tonight”
“Where are we going,” repeated Arthur.
“We are not going anywhere Arthur, Bob and I are going to football.”
“Oh” He said and went back to studying his beer.
I grabbed Bob by the arm and frog marched him out the door.
It was a nice day, the sun was shining and we made good time to Oxhey.
We had time for a quick beer before the game.
We went into the ground and I saw the giant football director standing on the top step of the stand. I hoped there weren’t any low clouds as he would be in trouble.
The chairman was standing with the secretary, but I couldn’t see them properly for all the smoke they were producing.
We settled down in the Oxhey half as that is where I thought all the action was going to be.
How wrong could I be?
Oxhey were on the attack from the start, we had not woken up yet.
With 4 minutes gone, Smith was shouting for it to be cleared and Kilmartin deciding not to, caused an awful mix up, resulting in the Oxhey forward being left with the ball at his feet and an empty goal to put it into.
Aylesbury settled down but the Oxhey forwards always looked dangerous. Our defence was not coping with them.
On 15 minutes Aylesbury were given what I consider a harsh penalty, when their keeper came out to the side of his box to block the ball he touched Brennan’s foot causing him to fall. Brennan converted to make it 1 – 1
On the half hour Oxhey struck again, the impressive Bellotti broke clear and shot a screamer from 25 yards to make it 2 - 1.
Aylesbury were playing some good football but did not seem to have any penetration up front. This was far from the Aylesbury I had seen in the past few weeks.
On 40 minutes the Oxhey forwards again beat our defence and easily slotted in number 3, this game was getting away from us.
The half time whistle came and the Aylesbury supporters did not look a happy bunch.
We had a beer in the clubhouse and watched the football results.
I wondered if we could get 3 goals in the second half, but doubted it on the way we were playing.
There was no card or raffle so I suppose what’s his name wasn’t about.
The second half started with Aylesbury doing all the attacking, but again we seemed to have little penetration for all the possession.
Twenty minutes gone and a fierce cross found Brennan on the far post and he headed into the top corner 3 – 2. Could the fight back really begin now?
A couple of minutes later the question was answered, but not from Aylesbury.
A tackle outside the area from an Aylesbury defender between the forward’s legs, forced the ball towards Smith. Smith picked the ball up on the side of the six-yard box and everyone was stunned when the referee blew deeming it to be a back pass. Whether he was making up for the harsh penalty I don’t know, but he was having a mare.
The resulting free kick was passed sideways and smashed into the net, 4 – 2.
For the rest of the game it was all Aylesbury, but the ball would not run for them and also the Oxhey defence were playing well.
With 2 minutes to go the ball was cleared from the Oxhey penalty area only to find Boyce lurking just outside.
He hit the ball with such force it went straight through the packed area into the net. 4 – 3.
For the last few minutes and at least 6 minutes injury time Aylesbury just camped in the Oxhey half but the goal would not come. Aylesbury had left it to late.
The final whistle came and we made our way to the clubhouse.
I saw the chairman standing all on his own looking in shock, I could understand. How had this happened? We should never have lost a game like this.
We had a quick beer in the club and then we had to get going. Bob and I would have a refresher course on what to say to the wife on the way home.
“You better rub your hands in the dirt” I said
“What for?”
“Because your car broke down”
“There’s nothing wrong with my car”
I stared at him in disbelief.
“Oh” he said.
We were in for a long night.
Oxhey Jets v Aylesbury FC.
Saturday was here at last; it was the FA Vase, another great cup competition.
I had spent the last few days thinking of ways to get to the match without the missus finding out.
She knew I had gone on Tuesday so today was a “no, no” in her book.
It wasn’t until late Friday afternoon that I came up with a cunning plan.
My mate Bob from work was going to ring at one oc and say he had broken down, could I be a mate and come and pick him up.
I had hidden my shirt for the match in the car and at one oc was pretending to be busy pruning a rose bush.
It got to quarter past one and he hadn’t rung, the rose bush was looking like a Bonzai tree.
Finally I heard the phone ring inside and waited with baited breath.
She didn’t come to get me, what was going on?
We had arranged that all he would say was, he had broken down and could he speak to me.
Five minutes later she came out; the rose bush was looking a sorry state.
“Bob’s on the phone he’s broken down.”
“Oh no” I said.
As I passed she added
“Strange he’s broken down in Watford”
What the hell had he said, why mention Watford and what had they been talking about for five minutes.
The Gestapo had trained my misses; God knows what she had got out of him.
“Hi Bob what’s the matter” I said
“She was asking all sorts of questions.” He said.
“Oh no, where is that mate” I said.
“She got me rattled I didn’t know what I was saying” He said
“You want me to pick you up then,” I said.
“She asked me round for dinner tonight and I said yes”
“Ok mate I’ll get there as soon as I can”
I looked round she was outside studying the new Bonsai tree.
“What the hell did you agree to that for you dick head; she will have YOU for bloody dinner. I’ll see you in the pub in ten minutes”
She came back in from the garden holding the secateurs. I wondered if they were for my private parts.
“Ok sweetheart I’m off to pick silly old Bob up, don’t know how long I’ll be, the breakdown truck has not arrived yet.”
She just looked at me with one of those loving woman looks; you know the one that makes you think you’re a lump of dog turd.
“Pick me up some more potatoes while you’re out, Bob’s coming for dinner”
“Oh that’s nice”
I arrived at the pub to see Bob talking to Arthur about Lancaster bombers; the day was turning into a nightmare.
“What the bloody hell happened?” I said to Bob.
“They couldn’t find their target,” said Arthur”
“Not you Arthur, Bob” I said
“He wasn’t there,” said Arthur
“No on the phone” I said.
“They had radios,” said Arthur.
It was lucky I didn’t have a gun.
“Come on we had better get going were late,” I said.
“I’m not coming with you,” said Bob.
“Where are we going,” said Arthur.
“You are bloody well coming with me, it will take all afternoon to get our story straight for tonight”
“Where are we going,” repeated Arthur.
“We are not going anywhere Arthur, Bob and I are going to football.”
“Oh” He said and went back to studying his beer.
I grabbed Bob by the arm and frog marched him out the door.
It was a nice day, the sun was shining and we made good time to Oxhey.
We had time for a quick beer before the game.
We went into the ground and I saw the giant football director standing on the top step of the stand. I hoped there weren’t any low clouds as he would be in trouble.
The chairman was standing with the secretary, but I couldn’t see them properly for all the smoke they were producing.
We settled down in the Oxhey half as that is where I thought all the action was going to be.
How wrong could I be?
Oxhey were on the attack from the start, we had not woken up yet.
With 4 minutes gone, Smith was shouting for it to be cleared and Kilmartin deciding not to, caused an awful mix up, resulting in the Oxhey forward being left with the ball at his feet and an empty goal to put it into.
Aylesbury settled down but the Oxhey forwards always looked dangerous. Our defence was not coping with them.
On 15 minutes Aylesbury were given what I consider a harsh penalty, when their keeper came out to the side of his box to block the ball he touched Brennan’s foot causing him to fall. Brennan converted to make it 1 – 1
On the half hour Oxhey struck again, the impressive Bellotti broke clear and shot a screamer from 25 yards to make it 2 - 1.
Aylesbury were playing some good football but did not seem to have any penetration up front. This was far from the Aylesbury I had seen in the past few weeks.
On 40 minutes the Oxhey forwards again beat our defence and easily slotted in number 3, this game was getting away from us.
The half time whistle came and the Aylesbury supporters did not look a happy bunch.
We had a beer in the clubhouse and watched the football results.
I wondered if we could get 3 goals in the second half, but doubted it on the way we were playing.
There was no card or raffle so I suppose what’s his name wasn’t about.
The second half started with Aylesbury doing all the attacking, but again we seemed to have little penetration for all the possession.
Twenty minutes gone and a fierce cross found Brennan on the far post and he headed into the top corner 3 – 2. Could the fight back really begin now?
A couple of minutes later the question was answered, but not from Aylesbury.
A tackle outside the area from an Aylesbury defender between the forward’s legs, forced the ball towards Smith. Smith picked the ball up on the side of the six-yard box and everyone was stunned when the referee blew deeming it to be a back pass. Whether he was making up for the harsh penalty I don’t know, but he was having a mare.
The resulting free kick was passed sideways and smashed into the net, 4 – 2.
For the rest of the game it was all Aylesbury, but the ball would not run for them and also the Oxhey defence were playing well.
With 2 minutes to go the ball was cleared from the Oxhey penalty area only to find Boyce lurking just outside.
He hit the ball with such force it went straight through the packed area into the net. 4 – 3.
For the last few minutes and at least 6 minutes injury time Aylesbury just camped in the Oxhey half but the goal would not come. Aylesbury had left it to late.
The final whistle came and we made our way to the clubhouse.
I saw the chairman standing all on his own looking in shock, I could understand. How had this happened? We should never have lost a game like this.
We had a quick beer in the club and then we had to get going. Bob and I would have a refresher course on what to say to the wife on the way home.
“You better rub your hands in the dirt” I said
“What for?”
“Because your car broke down”
“There’s nothing wrong with my car”
I stared at him in disbelief.
“Oh” he said.
We were in for a long night.
