A VIEW FROM THE TERRACE
Aylesbury FC. V 61 FC
We were playing 61FC in the Challenge Trophy, the last couple of weeks it had been all cup matches.
It had been a long few days since we last played.
The dinner on Saturday night had been a disaster.
On the way home I had told Bob that my wife practiced Totalitarianism, he asked what that was.
I explaned that it was a system where the wife recognizes no limits to her authority and strives to regulate every aspect of public and private life of her husband.
The husband has no significant share in decision-making and is just a turd.
I looked round to see if Bob understood, but he was asleep.
My misses had plied Bob with enough wine to float the titanic and he was soon gobbing off and landing me right in it. Bob and wine don’t go and at one point he admitted to not even owning a car.
I tried to steer the conversation away from the car breakdown but the Fuhrer wasn’t having any of it.
I have spent the last few days decorating the spare bedroom as penance; I have done it four times this year.
I was supposed to be on late’s tonight but I had swapped with another guy at work.
I got to the pub for a quick one before I went to Haywood way.
Arthur the old boy well into his nineties and as deaf as a post was sitting at the bar nursing an empty glass. I had never seen him with an empty glass before. The pub was empty apart from him so I suppose there was no one to buy him one.
“Want a drink Arthur,” I said
“Ok son, Ill have a pint of best”
“Don’t want a scotch then” I said joking.
“All right then just a small one to go with my beer”
I got suckered into that one.
“Were playing 61 FC tonight,” I shouted.
The barmaid looked at me as if I was mad.
His face lit up, he must know something about them I thought.
“61 Squadron was a bomber squadron.”
Oh my god what had I said.
“It was a night bomber squadron. It was one of the small numbers of squadrons to use the troubled Avro Manchester. The slow delivery of the Manchester meant that the squadron struggled before converting to the Lancaster in 1942,”
Where did he get all this crap?
“61 Squadron were the first to bomb the German mainland and did the first bombing raid on Berlin.”
I was furiously thinking of ways to change the subject.
“It’s a cup match tonight Arthur”
“They had the first Bomber Command crew to bring back irrefutable evidence that they had destroyed a U-boat at sea.”
“We won team of the month”
“They took part in the first 1000 bomber raid on Cologne.”
“My wife just got raped by a pineapple.” I said
“Yeah I know, good squadron that.”
I was losing the will to live. I had a vision in my mind of the bloke in Airaplane when he hangs himself.
“Ive got to go Arthur see you later.”
As I got to the door he shouted
“Give the boys of 61 my best”
The door hurt as it hit me in the back.
I went into the club to have a pint before the game; I had stopped off to buy the extra strong mints for the wife’s breath test. I’d better not be late home otherwise I would be decorating for the rest of my life.
I went into the ground and Danny was a happy chappie tonight, he smiled at me for once.
I decided to go round to the dugouts tonight, as I wanted to hear some foul and abusive language.
The grass looked a little long, I suppose the grounds man knew what he was doing. I suppose it was a little like cricket, you prepare the pitch for your opponents.
Aylesbury were in their Red and black kit and 61 were in blue.
Right from the kick off Aylesbury started playing where they left off on Saturday, crap.
61 were doing all the attacking, I was wondering who was the premier side, and although I did find out later they had won their division last year and could not go up because of ground grading. By right they should be a premier side.
We seem to have a lot of changes, probably resting a few for Saturday’s FA cup game.
It only took 3 minutes and 61 scored, bloody hell here we go again I thought.
On 7 minutes they had the ball in the net again but it was ruled offside.
Our two centre backs were all over the place and our forwards couldn’t find the mark.
61 were playing the offside game and it was catching our forwards out time and time again.
I was waiting for the language from our bench but it never came and then I realised our manager wasn’t there, Mark thingy bob.
Had the chairman sacked him already, blimey the bloke had only lost one game, mind you they were crap.
On 28 minutes 61 scored there second goal and it seemed like Saturday all over again, surely we weren’t going out of another cup.
The rest of the half was much the same with the two centre backs waiting for their mum to come up and get them out of bed with a cup of tea and Nathan Graham trying to put a ball into orbit from 3 yards out.
The manager who ever he was now, had to tell him that if the ball goes over the line it’s a goal. You don’t get more points if it goes supersonic.
Our team were playing the long ball again and it was not working. When they played on the ground they looked dangerous.
The half time whistle came and I walked round to the clubhouse for a pint. I didn’t feel like running, none of our team was.
The second half started and we looked a different team. From the start there was more flair to our play and conviction.
The first goal came in the first minute after a mix up in the 61 area and the ball was bundled over the line by Graham.
Aylesbury were doing the attacking now although our keeper made a good save in the 55-minute.
65 minutes gone and Henny with a great pass from one side of the penalty area to the other found O’Farrell who took it well and smashed it home.
It was all square. On 85 Minutes a good cross from the right found Henny on the far post and he headed it home with a diving header.
They complained for offside but the linesman didn’t know his flag from his elbow. At one time he gave offside from a throw in.
That’s it I thought, they would collapse now.
They hadn’t read my script, three minutes later they scored, it was all even again. 3 – 3. We were heading for extra time.
I must admit the game was going to and fro and the entertainment value was great.
The final whistle went and I thought that by the time I get home tonight I might as well just go straight in and start painting.
As extra time started Aylesbury looked the far better side and with seven minutes gone a great pass from Gareth Price from one side of the field to the other found Schmidt just outside the area unmarked. He took the ball forward and drove it into the net. 4 – 3. It had to be over now.
On 106 minutes a good pass from Henny found O’Farrell who made it five.
Aylesbury should have had more but 61 would not lie down and in the 113 minute were awarded a penalty to make it 5 – 4.
The final whistle went and the crowd had had a good nights entertainment.
I ran out to my car, this was going to take some explaining. I bet my dinner was in the dog again.
Aylesbury FC. V 61 FC
We were playing 61FC in the Challenge Trophy, the last couple of weeks it had been all cup matches.
It had been a long few days since we last played.
The dinner on Saturday night had been a disaster.
On the way home I had told Bob that my wife practiced Totalitarianism, he asked what that was.
I explaned that it was a system where the wife recognizes no limits to her authority and strives to regulate every aspect of public and private life of her husband.
The husband has no significant share in decision-making and is just a turd.
I looked round to see if Bob understood, but he was asleep.
My misses had plied Bob with enough wine to float the titanic and he was soon gobbing off and landing me right in it. Bob and wine don’t go and at one point he admitted to not even owning a car.
I tried to steer the conversation away from the car breakdown but the Fuhrer wasn’t having any of it.
I have spent the last few days decorating the spare bedroom as penance; I have done it four times this year.
I was supposed to be on late’s tonight but I had swapped with another guy at work.
I got to the pub for a quick one before I went to Haywood way.
Arthur the old boy well into his nineties and as deaf as a post was sitting at the bar nursing an empty glass. I had never seen him with an empty glass before. The pub was empty apart from him so I suppose there was no one to buy him one.
“Want a drink Arthur,” I said
“Ok son, Ill have a pint of best”
“Don’t want a scotch then” I said joking.
“All right then just a small one to go with my beer”
I got suckered into that one.
“Were playing 61 FC tonight,” I shouted.
The barmaid looked at me as if I was mad.
His face lit up, he must know something about them I thought.
“61 Squadron was a bomber squadron.”
Oh my god what had I said.
“It was a night bomber squadron. It was one of the small numbers of squadrons to use the troubled Avro Manchester. The slow delivery of the Manchester meant that the squadron struggled before converting to the Lancaster in 1942,”
Where did he get all this crap?
“61 Squadron were the first to bomb the German mainland and did the first bombing raid on Berlin.”
I was furiously thinking of ways to change the subject.
“It’s a cup match tonight Arthur”
“They had the first Bomber Command crew to bring back irrefutable evidence that they had destroyed a U-boat at sea.”
“We won team of the month”
“They took part in the first 1000 bomber raid on Cologne.”
“My wife just got raped by a pineapple.” I said
“Yeah I know, good squadron that.”
I was losing the will to live. I had a vision in my mind of the bloke in Airaplane when he hangs himself.
“Ive got to go Arthur see you later.”
As I got to the door he shouted
“Give the boys of 61 my best”
The door hurt as it hit me in the back.
I went into the club to have a pint before the game; I had stopped off to buy the extra strong mints for the wife’s breath test. I’d better not be late home otherwise I would be decorating for the rest of my life.
I went into the ground and Danny was a happy chappie tonight, he smiled at me for once.
I decided to go round to the dugouts tonight, as I wanted to hear some foul and abusive language.
The grass looked a little long, I suppose the grounds man knew what he was doing. I suppose it was a little like cricket, you prepare the pitch for your opponents.
Aylesbury were in their Red and black kit and 61 were in blue.
Right from the kick off Aylesbury started playing where they left off on Saturday, crap.
61 were doing all the attacking, I was wondering who was the premier side, and although I did find out later they had won their division last year and could not go up because of ground grading. By right they should be a premier side.
We seem to have a lot of changes, probably resting a few for Saturday’s FA cup game.
It only took 3 minutes and 61 scored, bloody hell here we go again I thought.
On 7 minutes they had the ball in the net again but it was ruled offside.
Our two centre backs were all over the place and our forwards couldn’t find the mark.
61 were playing the offside game and it was catching our forwards out time and time again.
I was waiting for the language from our bench but it never came and then I realised our manager wasn’t there, Mark thingy bob.
Had the chairman sacked him already, blimey the bloke had only lost one game, mind you they were crap.
On 28 minutes 61 scored there second goal and it seemed like Saturday all over again, surely we weren’t going out of another cup.
The rest of the half was much the same with the two centre backs waiting for their mum to come up and get them out of bed with a cup of tea and Nathan Graham trying to put a ball into orbit from 3 yards out.
The manager who ever he was now, had to tell him that if the ball goes over the line it’s a goal. You don’t get more points if it goes supersonic.
Our team were playing the long ball again and it was not working. When they played on the ground they looked dangerous.
The half time whistle came and I walked round to the clubhouse for a pint. I didn’t feel like running, none of our team was.
The second half started and we looked a different team. From the start there was more flair to our play and conviction.
The first goal came in the first minute after a mix up in the 61 area and the ball was bundled over the line by Graham.
Aylesbury were doing the attacking now although our keeper made a good save in the 55-minute.
65 minutes gone and Henny with a great pass from one side of the penalty area to the other found O’Farrell who took it well and smashed it home.
It was all square. On 85 Minutes a good cross from the right found Henny on the far post and he headed it home with a diving header.
They complained for offside but the linesman didn’t know his flag from his elbow. At one time he gave offside from a throw in.
That’s it I thought, they would collapse now.
They hadn’t read my script, three minutes later they scored, it was all even again. 3 – 3. We were heading for extra time.
I must admit the game was going to and fro and the entertainment value was great.
The final whistle went and I thought that by the time I get home tonight I might as well just go straight in and start painting.
As extra time started Aylesbury looked the far better side and with seven minutes gone a great pass from Gareth Price from one side of the field to the other found Schmidt just outside the area unmarked. He took the ball forward and drove it into the net. 4 – 3. It had to be over now.
On 106 minutes a good pass from Henny found O’Farrell who made it five.
Aylesbury should have had more but 61 would not lie down and in the 113 minute were awarded a penalty to make it 5 – 4.
The final whistle went and the crowd had had a good nights entertainment.
I ran out to my car, this was going to take some explaining. I bet my dinner was in the dog again.
